I was reading on my bed, in the middle of the day on a Wednesday when my roommate opened the bedroom door to leave.
           

“Janey!” enthusiastic and not my roommate’s voice.

Huh?

I peeked over the pages only to glimpse a pancake flying at my face. Slap! It smacked my face, hitting my eye and flattening my nose. It was from the other side of the door, from my suitemate Emma.

I froze in the same position she hit me for a minute. 

Did she just t.h.r.o.w. a pancake in my face? This is absurd! 

Immediately, my roommate shut the door in Emma’s face–her own face exploding with laughter, mouth lingering open. We slid the pancake under the door, but it shot right back to us. 

Giggling trickled through the crack at the bottom of the door.

How do I react to this? Do I retaliate? Do I continue with life, pretending nothing happened. 

Definitely not. I had to retaliate. This meant war.

I walked out of my room, pretending I had to go to the library. I glared at Emma while I stalked out of the apartment, not breaking eye-contact; likewise, she narrowed her own eyes at me. When the door shut behind me, I could finally turn my back to her.  

Later that week, I sent my roommate to do some espionage work for me.

My roommate texted me: “She gets out of class at 12:05 from the Vest building.”

“Roger that, Madddie.”

Slinking up to the Vest building that same day, I waited for her to get out of class, assuming she would take the side stair out the back of the building. At 12:06, it was time. Two of her friends walk down the steps, but no Emma. Taking the bagel which I stored in my backpack, I walk up to her friends until I was thirty feet away and a blonde headed girl pokes her head out from behind them. 

“ACH!” her voice echoes. Several leaves fall to the ground. 

I start sprinting towards her, and she darts inside the building. 

With the bagel still clinched in my hand, I dash around the whole Vest building, making sure I caught her if she tried to come out a different door. I almost ran directly into one of my own friends who stared, mouth open, laughing at me, yet looking extremely quizzical, as I circled the building. 

I reach the conclusion of my circle back at the same stair she darted from, and I see Emma standing there waiting to see if I returned. 

“ACH!” her voice echoes again.

Grasping her roller blades in her hands, she dashes around trees, over a bench, and through bushes, as students roll continuously out of the two buildings back-to-back, glancing out of the corner of their eyes at us. 

I follow her around the trees, over the bench, and through the bushes. She moved too quickly, and I could not aim quickly enough to fire the bagel at her. 

Breath fogging the air in front of us, we paused next to the bench we had leaped over. Someone hustled past, staring at us. 

Emma lingered on the back side. 

She readied herself to dart left or right. 

I stalked the front of the bench, waiting for the perfect moment to ambush. 

The moment came and left, the bagel still in my hand. 

A few weeks later, I still had not found my vengeance. Emma pranced around me every day, yet she kept a watchful eye when I returned from class every evening. She was not ignorant. 

I saw another opportunity. I took it. 

Her friend Ashley had also received bread in the face from Emma. Ashley desires revenge as well. Emma and Ashley have a class together at 1:25-2:15. 

What if I come after class, and get Emma then? 

“Perfect!” Ashley confirmed. 

2:15, I texted Ashley as I hopped on my bike after my own class: “I’m on my way.” 

“Roger, roger,” Ashley replied. 

Emma, extremely chatty, engaged in conversation with Ashley after class, lingering next to the choir room in the Music building. The plan was running smoothly. 

2:20, I parked my bike next to the library.

2:22, I walked into the Music building

2:23, I saw Emma.

I held the bagel in my hand, below my waist, away from her sight. 

“Janey? What are you doing here?” She stepped towards me, about to give me a hug. 

I pulled back my arm to fire. After years of softball, I had been trained well. 

I launched the bread into her face! 

She fell backwards with the bagel as it smashed directly centered.

It fell to the ground. 

She shrieked.

She did not move. 

I laughed at her.

She bent down and picked the bagel up.

I continued to laugh.

She narrowed her eyes. 

My laughter stopped. 

She started running towards me.

I dashed out the front doors. 

Emma pursued, dodging people nimbly. 

This time I did run over a friend. 

We started wrestling with each other on the sidewalk in front of the building. Emma, head down, barreled into me. I put her in a headlock. She wriggled out of it and attempted to throw the bagel back into my own face. It only hit the top of my head.

I dove for the bagel this time, but she got to it first. We danced around each other as she gauged the perfect moment to throw it at me, then barreled straight into me again. 

This lasted for a moment or two longer until she relaxed and I dropped my shoulders. 

We walked back into the music building together. Emma was laughing, and I was too. 

Ashley and I nodded to each other. 

Mission accomplished.